i know a LOT of discussion happens in the fatosphere about bbw clubs. Frankly i love them myself…..a place where i can go and men love my curves, my thickness. I know its more acceptible for men to be more out of shape, but there have to be men out there that feel the “im fat and i cant get no love” stigma too.
So i sat down and watched this segment on tyra about sexy, big men. Here is my blow by blow, as i watched the segment:
According to NYT and tyra, “pot bellies are the new washboard stomach.” What i like (and what pisses me off at the same time) is there are hoots and hollers from the audience, like its ok, and normal when the subject is brought up. I bet if it was about bbw club, there would be no cheers from the audience.
They talked about sex being “more cushion for the pushing” One guest speaks about throwing away their man’s diet pills, she didn’t want him to lose his belly. They talk about how big men are safe to climb on, you know they can take it, and how riding a fat man doesn’t hurt as bad as a bony one. A guest talks about how skinny guys that are attractive KNOW they are attractive. and act as such, but a fat guy can be cute and s still be a gentleman.
And then the mockery starts….first one guest gives her man a raspberry…then tyra dresses the men up like Chippendales and has the guests feel them up. ….trya im disappointed. I KNOW she is part of the diet obsessed world, but i like her as a person and usually she’s kind of sensitive to things (im reminded of an episode where she shows the prejudices of people and included fat as one of them.) But with this….great, thanks…once again the men are just fat clowns. God that gets old. Men can be fat and sexy and not have it be silly or a joke. (OMFG she just said who wants to smell it…i think i threw up in my mouth a little)
oh great thats not enough….now they roll out the OMG fat is unhealthy guest…including a lady that has to be a size 20 or so saying she should be the only fat one in a relationship, and her being fat is “natural” (its natural for all of us thanks.) great thanks for nothing tyra…one guest even said “it’s not healthy, its greasy” about the pot belly. Tyra makes the new “fat hating” guests get in bed with a guy with a pot belly and rub him in a sexual manner (ew, wrong on SOOOO many levels)
I really wish we could all just be people… we all have SOMETHING…we are all either fat or skinny, tall or short, red, white, black, asian what have you. Every time there is a show like this one, or a “I love asian men” show it just reminds folks of our otherness, how we are different. Why is it ok for men to be fat, sexy even (even if in a silly way, look at Ron Jeremy, he is far from fit or svelte and is one of the top porn stars of all time) while women can’t be or they are a fetish? Men of my BMI date all the time, and the women that date them are not just fatties, they are all sizes….but if a woman of size dates a skinny guy, he is automatically a fat fetishist, labeled “other” (because fetishes are just not “normal” sexual behaviors am I right?) and discounted.
Fat and Sassy 
That sounds like a really obnoxious show. Glad I missed it.
I have to say, though, in your first paragraph, you say “I know its more acceptible for men to be more out of shape, but there have to be men out there that feel the ‘im fat and i cant get no love’ stigma too.”
Do you really believe that fat=”out of shape?” There are fat people who run marathons, you know. Just a comment.
I know that very well….i wsa just stating the mainstream media’s viewpoint. – mngmnt
Thanks for the blow-by-blow. Ninety-nine percent of the time, fat is sensationalized in the media. I’m a confirmed (and very public, “out-of-the-closet”) FA for decades, yet I roll my eyes every time some dumb show tries to deal with the “fat-is-sexy” issue. Well, sex is always sensationalized, too, whether thin or fat. I guess I am saying that you can’t expect much from the media to enlighten people on this topic. But as you say, it is disappointing, coming from Tyra, who should know better.
It’s a war for ratings, and advertiser dollars. Media managers who don’t push this, are replaced.
Bill Fabrey
Woodstock, NY
Stay classy Tyra.
I hate this “othering.”
Gah, I can’t articulate what I want to say.
Word on your post. People can be sexy at all shapes, colours and sizes.
Yeah, the Fat Clown thing. We do have our coping mechanisms, us guys.
Unfortunately it’s not only that this mechanism is easier for a lot of fat men to use, it’s also easier to write off with the classic ‘it’s just a joke’ mentality. After all who wants to think about the possibility that people might like him, they might laugh with (at) him, they may even tell him how ‘brave’ he is for doing that revealing ‘fat guy stripper’ routine in public. But nobody ever respects The Clown. Ever.
As for as the sexy fat man deal, far as I’m concerned, sexy is as sexy does. A 6′ 6″ 120Lb geek with sails for ears and a nose like a condors beak can be sexy. To a whole host of people, he OR she actually is. Of course, a lot of people will hear ‘geek’ and protest ‘They just want him for his brain.’ Two points; 1) Not necessarily and 2) So what if they do? The brain is the most potent sexual organ in the body. If people just followed their own desires instead of first checking to make sure it conformed to everyone else’s, the world might be a much happier place. Or if they saw a thin woman with a fat man as just their preference, a fat woman and a fat man as into each other, and a fat woman with a thin man simply as a couple, there might be a lot less pain in the world, at least. In a perfect world none of these preferences would be seen as anything more than what they actually are- choices. Black, fat, white, short, brown, gay, muscular, straight, thin, tall, and every shape, shade, or aspect in between. Nice dream. Hope it’s something we can learn rather than something we’ll have to wait to evolve into. ‘Cause that is going to take much more than just a little while.
As I continue to choose to be part of FA I have to be brave in the face of hateful prejudice. Walking down the street at almost 400lbs is a political act. The hateful folks who buy into our cultures hatred of all things fat is pervasive. I have to be brave as I ignore, overlook, move past all the hatred that is targeted at me as a fat man.
I bought in so deeply to the hatred of fat that I convinced myself that no one would ever want to be involved with me romantically.
What I have come to see as a result of my involvement with FA is that I am the biggest hurdle to meeting women. I am working slowly at overcoming the “i’m fat and i cant get no love” stigma” which for me is a big deal. I still hold residual shame about my size and how that affects my prospects for meeting someone.
I do know that when I do meet her, we will both have to be brave in the face of Fat Hatred. I am not destined to be with someone who cant face up to that kind of pressure anyway.
Thanks to the FA movement, I can see that I am not doomed to a life of solitude, unless I choose that for myself.
Cheers,
Ivan
P.S. hearing about Tyra’s exploitation of Fat Men saddens me
Hi everyone. I just wanted to post a comment because I feel that people are taking the show a bit too seriously. I’m the black girl in the purple dress who blew raspberries on her boyfriend’s stomach. For me, personally, I know how it feels to have people make fun of me because of my size. All of my life I’ve been the butt of jokes because I’ve always been skinny. I’ve had guys be rude to me because I’m not “big enough” for them and I don’t have a huge rear like Beyonce. I have a preference for big men- is that wrong? Was it wrong for me to want the world to know that I’m a “stick figure” who is in love with a man who most girls would scoff at? I wanted to stand up for the bigger guys who think that they won’t find love because they will. Don’t think that a skinny girl won’t like you just because of your size- there are pleanty of us that DO! We’re not “chubby chasers”…we are women who absolutely LOVE having a bigger man because it’s our choice and we don’t give a damn about what society thinks! Nobody should feel that they are less than because of what they look like…instead, we should build each other up because of who we ARE- HUMAN!!!
I hate to tell you, I rather be a fetish because 32 years of loneliness as a fat man sucks. Oh and silliness? Try disgust and contempt, that’s what I have gotten from women in my life, you really think life is like TV? It ain’t fat men can’t get 5hit in this world when it comes to relationships with women, we can’t even get used for sex as a fetish. We have to live in the disgusting joke that is our lives 24-7, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, our entire lives.