well lets see…..im smart and educated, having a degree in anthropology and one in comparative religion. I am a stay at home step-mom with 2 little girls….but i am getting ahead of myself.
warning….may be triggering.
I was born in ID, but moved to st.louis and grew up there. I was an outcast in school, mostly because i was very tall, sensitive and awkward. I went to a very small public school…my graduating class was 115 people. IT was small enough that everyone knew everyone else but no one new people close enough to be best friends….aka a breeding ground for bullies and gossip. (smaller classes than that everyone can actually be friends….bigger and you don’t know everyone) being tall and a slightly early developer, I was singled out….from 7th grade until about senior year i had NO friends in school really. And those that I DID have were in other grade levels. I remember being in 6th grade or so and having slim fast for lunches and being Oh so ashamed. by 8th grade I was being called a beached whale, though I wasnt very heavy…I was just tall with a big frame (I am over 6 foot 2 inches tall today, and I grew fast)
Is it any surprise that i “discovered” bulimia (through the help of a library book) by sophomore year in high school? And once i started purging i very quickly snowballed…..i may have been picked on but, by god, i could control what i threw up (apparently i do lack “willpower” to starve myself. ) By the end of sophomore year I was purging EVERYTHING i ate. and all the wonderful things that come from malnutrition. the hair loss…..the mouth sores. My periods stopped…..but i was STILL 6 foot 2…and still 160.
things got better junior year…i had a boyfriend, a circle of friends his school….the ed tapered off, with still some binge/purge issues, but nowhere near how bad it had been. First my boyfriend went to college…..an i was still in high school. He knew about the ed, you see, and helped me physically conquer the urge to purge. With him gone so was my police…and its oh so easy to lie on the phone. The he broke up with me over christmas. THEN like a month after that, in an effort to “put myself back out there” i went on a date with a co-worker. that date started with beers and ended with “have sex with me or you don’t go home” THe date rape threw me into and ed tailspin…coupled with the stress of graduation, the fear of moving onto college, i was full on anorexic again. my mom figured it out, and forced me into some of the most worthless therapy i have ever been to. My parents didn’t realize the gravity of the situation and got me in to see their counsellor, never thinking that an older male councillor who helped them with their marriage did by no means have the tools to help a girl battling a life threatening ed. And, on that happy note i graduated in the top 5% of my class and got a scholarship to MU for journalism. and that dear reader, is another tale for another time.