Heidi over at Hortus Deliciarum wrote a great post called Intuitive eating vs. “calorie restriction” or dieting . As i was posting, i realized my reply had outgrown the “comments” realm and was morphing into its own blog post. please check her post out as it is obviously thought provoking.
“Sometimes I need to swim back to my safety-log of overeating to make it through a day, because I’m not yet ready to swim all the way to the shore of recovery, but I never, ever calorie restrict. That way lies madness.”
so very powerful and true. It amazing….now that I honestly DONT CARE what I eat…I end up bringing home food from resturants……hell I even order less because I didn’t starve myself all day…like today…at panera bread (it will always be St.Louis Bread Co to me) I USED to order a take 2 with a breadbowl, making myself eat their yummy salads….but yesterday all I craved was veggies, and today all I wanted was bread and meat….so I had french onion soup in a bread bowl and it was ALL I wanted…..it was PERFECT and I was satisfied until 9p, when I ate with my man when he got off work on our date night. I am eating LESS when I am not forcing myself to eat “right” because what I crave is “right” for my body.
…and I don’t feel like I have to “force” myself to eat in the mornings anymore (I have asthma and use birth control… so I get REALLY sick to my stomach in the morning.) I always felt like I had to choke down breakfast, and then if I couldn’t I wouldn’t let myself eat till like 2 as “punishment” for not follow the right diet to “amp” my metabolism. But now that I have given up on that notion and eat when my body says I tend to eat 2 meals with a light snack later….and no starving, no hiding food and scarfing it. I enjoy it more….hell I cant even eat fast food anymore, it turns my stomach and I don’t crave it (i turned down fries tonight in favor of horseradish cole slaw) ….but boy has my wok enjoyed itself since i got it for christmas!
Hell this whole happy movement thing too is amazing….my body LOVES me now! My back needs the yoga daily to feel better….and I feel stronger without feeling so sore I cant walk up a stair. I don’t shake now when I do downward-facing dog or warrior poses! And I can hold them for longer! and I havent given up or gotten bored (gogo ADHD). It feels like all the baby steps with my relationships with food, exercise and self-esteem are starting to right themselves.
In fact I passed something of a “test” for myself personally. My first trigger for bulimia…the big one that started it all… was homemade lemon bars…..I made (and then ate) a whole pan…and freaked out. (cue a binge/purge cycle that lasted, oh the rest of my life) Well, I made some with my kids…and there are still 3 left, and its been 2 days…in fact I think I have to throw them away, because they are stale….WFT! I let sweets…CAKES for crissake!…go STALE! I dont care if I am losing weight, or gaining….I DO care that my relationship with food, for the first time since I was 10, is starting to feel normal, and right. I dont have to count everything to be able to eat it. I AM trying to eat veggies, not because I HAVE to but because I CRAVE them.
That’s gotta be a victory.